Anxiety Attack

Anxiety Attack!

' Mummy, I don't want you to go to school. I want you to stay at home with me.'
'Mummy, but why my school so long. I don't want to go to school'.
'Mummy what if you forget...'
'Mummy can you write down in your brain...'

The cries from a distraught Meryl can last up to 2 hours per night and 1 hour in the morning. She seemed to have developed this 'phobia' of going to school and is worried about not seeing me in the morning when she wakes up, right after the March school holidays. SUDDENLY, overnight, she doesn't like school anymore and is complaining that her school is too long when prior to this, she acts up whenever we threatened not to let her go. It was a trying as well as baffling time for both the hubby and I. She would go on and on about how she was worried that she cannot remember things, about things that she cannot bring or wear to school and wanting me to be home ALL the time. Nothing could pacify her except my presence. I tried to ease her transition back to school by letting her sleep with us in the 1st week. She needed to hold me hands before she sleeps and will say things like, 'Mummy I love you so much.' In the morning, when she discovered that I was gone, she would break into her crying spells again.

I also went to her school in that 1st week to see what was affecting her. I needed to see if she was settling well and getting along with her new classmates. There was also a girl whose name kept popping up in our conversation. I arranged to go down to her school that Thursday and informed the teacher that I will be peeping in to see how she is in class. The form teacher was a very nice and experienced teacher and in the course of our conversation, she mentioned that the girl Meryl had mentioned is a very domineering girl and can be controlling. When I reached school, she was having music lesson and happily singing and dancing and whispering to her friends. Not exactly the traumatised girl that I was expecting to find! Ms Yee informed me that she had gotten the girl to apologise to Meryl and that Meryl had 'forgiven' her. I watched her play with the girl in question at the loft. They talked alot, pretended to vacuum the living room, changed diaper for baby and iron the clothes. She was of course delighted to see me when at last she spotted me. She introduced many of her friends to me and chatted animatedly with them as well. I thought things were solved but I was wrong. That night, she again turned into a pool of tears.

I had to keep reassuring her that I will be back home when the school bus reached home. And if she misses me, I am only a phonecall away or even bring my photo with her to school. But she was not appeased. My hubby and I had to resort to writing it down cos she was afraid that we would 'forget'.

My hubby's note looked like this:

It is ok to forget things
Daddy forgets things all the time.
Mummy also forgets things all the time.
Kor kor also forgets thinsg all the time
because we are HUMAN!

My note looks like this:

Daddy will look after Meryl in the morning.
Kor kor will look after Meryl in school.
Tita Jo will look after Meryl when she comes back from school.
Mummy will be home when Meryl comes back from school. (Initially I wrote that I will be back when she wakes up from her nap but she kicked up big fuss and started crying)

Thus began the frenzy everyday for the past 2 weeks. By 3pm I needed to try and finish everything before I rush home on my bike and reach home before her school bus does, usually at 3.15 or 3.20pm. Then I will be knocked out for the next 2 hours with them!

In the 2nd week, I decided not to let her sleep with us but I ended up having to spend about 2 hours with her, holding her hand and putting her to sleep (something which I had never done before with her). Then in the middle of the night, the hubby and I will get a visit from her. She will go, 'Mummy, I don't like your school. Why your school starts so early?' In the end, she either ended up sleeping on our bed or I will cramp in her bed with her till the next morning. In the morning, I will give my routine call home only to find her crying. I was a walking zombie by then cos I did not get my 8 hr sleep per night and even had a pimple outbreak! That weekend, I brought the kids to town and bought her another set of her favorite toy in order to 'bribe' her as I had a full week of meeting next week and may not rush back in time when her school bus arrives. It did work but not as good as another strategy I used.

The 3rd week was better only after I decided to ask my helper to bunk in with them. I will pray with her, then sing her a song (many times) and then stay on her bed but refusing to let her hold my hand for about 5 minutes before I leave the room. She will still attempt to whine and even be on the verge of tears but then the hubby would come in and give her a stern warning and her cries turned into sniffles. In the middle of the night, Jo will also help to 'stall' her nightly visit to our room but she took to waking up in the morning at about 6 so that she can get a hug from me before I go to school. We finally got uninterrupted sleep that week.

This is the 4th week and I thought she would have gotten over that phase. But last night (Sunday after the long weekend) she was all super-glue again. I 'threatened' to confiscate her Sylvanian toys and my helper 'dangled' a lollipop if she promised to be good and not cry but the most effective was when I got my hubby to go in and give her a stern warning. Then it was all peace and quiet. Tonight was better. She skipped her afternoon nap and by 9.30, she was so tired that she fell asleep after we prayed and sing song, within less than 10 mins. I promised to remind her to draw me an owl which she had learnt today.

We had tried to analyse what was it that made her so insecure all of a sudden. The most logical one is she is suffering from a bout of separation anxiety after spending 9+2 days with me during the March holidays whereby we did lots of things together. Then there is also the new environment to consider as she has just been transferred to her brother's school. She never had to travel to school as it used to be a 5 min walk from home but now it takes about 35 mins to reach her school and another 35 mins back. She also had to adjust to new friends - which in my opinion is not a problem as she is a very sociable girl with high EQ. She comes backs from school telling me that everyone wants to hold her hand because she is so cute and how her teachers are calling her 'chilli padi' and even her teacher commented that she is very confident and outspoken and participative in class. Another possible reason could be I have jumped the gun by telling the kids I will look after them myself when my helper goes back home end of the year. Kids need instant gratification and she may not understand that it will be another 8 months before it happens and wants me to stay at home NOW. Right now, I just hope that this phase will pass soon and until then I am keeping my mouth shut and my hands to myself.